Planning Your Own Farewell: A Guide to a Meaningful Goodbye

Planning Your Own Farewell may seem morbid, but it’s a thoughtful act of self-care that ensures your final farewell reflects your personality and values.

Not everyone can afford to pre-pay for their funeral, nor does everyone want to. However, there are ways to express a living wish to ensure that your funeral reflects your personality and how you wish to be remembered without cost. From experience, we understand how clarifying and documenting your wishes will ease the burden on your loved ones when arranging the formalities.

Today, our funeral director, Andy Kirk, describes some of the questions and tasks that would be good to find answers to.

The Service Basics

Choosing your service type is the starting point. A decision on the kind of service you want will lay the foundations for all other choices. In modern times, there are more options than ever:

Traditional Service includes a visitation (if required) and an attended funeral service, followed by a burial or cremation. You can also choose to be cremated and have your ashes interred later.  We regularly use Wealden Crematorium, Kent & Sussex Crematorium and Eastbourne Crematorium.

Direct cremation is a simple cremation service that does not include a formal funeral, allowing your ashes to be returned to your family for a life celebration after your cremation. This option is gaining popularity due to the marketing efforts of large corporations on television and in the media. See Ashdown Direct Cremations from Wealden Funerals.

Green burial is an environmentally friendly choice with minimal impact on the planet. If you are considering this option, it is essential for people to be aware that the funeral director may need to take different steps to ensure your wishes are fulfilled. An example of a local green burial ground is Theobalds Green in Heathfield, or Eden Valley Woodland Burial near Edenbridge, both of which we arrange funeral at.

Home Funeral: This is a more intimate and personal service held at a family home or pub. Today, a funeral can occur anywhere you and your guests feel at ease.

Choosing the type of funeral service and the officiant will influence the content of the service. A religious ceremony led by a spiritual leader typically features more hymns and Bible readings. This choice feels more traditional and is often preferred by those with strong faith. Conversely, a more informal celebration of life is conducted by a humanist celebrant, who aims to learn more about you and creates a relaxed and casual atmosphere for the funeral service.

Expressing Your Personality with the Content

Music: What kind of music would you like to play?  Favourite songs, hymns or even a specific genre that you would like to be followed?

Readings and Poems: Are there any poems, readings, or scriptures with special meaning for you?

Speakers: Who would you like to speak at your service? Family members, friends, colleagues?

Theme: Would you like a specific theme for your service? (e.g., a celebration of life, a garden party, a “pirate funeral”)

Attire: Do you have any preferences for the attire of those attending? (e.g., casual, formal, colourful).

Eulogy: All funeral services that include a gathering will feature a section detailing your life. Do not assume that everyone knows your life story. Document where and when you were born, who your parents were, and any siblings. Note the significant milestones in your life – education, marriage, children, work history, and your interests, aspirations and hobbies.

Humour: If appropriate, include a touch of humour to reflect your personality.  This could be.

Practical Considerations

While we may not like discussing money, it is a crucial factor to consider when planning your own farewell. There are numerous options available for a funeral, but the reality is that some are merely expensive extravagances, while others are absolute necessities.

Budget: Discuss your budget preferences with your family. There is a large discrepancy between what you need to pay, what you may want to pay, and what the press will let you believe a funeral will cost. If you would like any rough indications of today’s prices, please get in contact with us.

Location: Where would you like your service to be held? In your church, your local crematorium, public spaces, or even at home?

Flowers: Do you have any preferences regarding flowers or other floral arrangements? Colours, types, real or silk?

Donations: Would you prefer to support a specific charity instead of sending flowers? Would you like an online tribute page that continues to collect donations even after your funeral?

Transport: Is there a specific type of hearse that you would like?  We can supply all sorts of hearses and the traditional; we provide everything from Motorcycles, Horse & Carriage and even The Trotters‘ three-wheeler and JCB diggers.  If you can think of it, we can probably source it.

Coffin: There are many types of coffins available, and as you would expect, a plethora of prices—from wood effect MDF, which is popular for cremations, to cardboard, solid wood, and natural materials like wicker and bamboo. Different types of coffins are more suitable for various service types, and depending on your chosen service type, there may be a more limited choice. Contact us for more information.

Sharing Your Wishes

There is no point in planning your own farewell, working through your wishes if you are the only one aware of them. Discussing death is not morbid; it is a necessity in the modern world—and it’s something we all know will eventually come to us.

Discuss with loved ones: Share your wishes with your family and close friends.

Document your preferences: Write down your wishes clearly and concisely.  Wealden Funeral Services is happy to come and work through your wishes with you at no cost or with no requirements to nominate us as your funeral director.

Designate a point person: Choose a trusted person to act as a liaison with the funeral home and ensure your wishes are fulfilled.

Remember:

Planning your own farewell is a personal and deeply meaningful process. Take your time, be honest with yourself, and create a farewell that genuinely reflects who you are.